Do You Know How to Give Feedback During Sex?

Communication before and after sex is essential. But we can’t forget that, for some things, it’s essential to communicate in the moment. Here are five tips for talking to your partner during sex.

Show rather than tell.

Sometimes, it’s easier to show something than talk about it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then showing the action by doing it to your sexual partner can be worth ten thousand words. You can demonstrate the act on yourself and then have them replicate it too.

Try saying: “Can I show you what I’d like you to try on me?”

Use non-verbal communication.

Think about giving feedback visibly, particularly when something feels good to you.

Try engaging in: moaning, lip biting, back arching, hair grabbing, maintaining eye contact, smiling, nodding, pulling your partner closer, and touching.

Focus on the positive.

People are usually resistant to negative feedback (even if it's "constructive feedback"). But you can communicate what’s not working for you by putting a positive spin on it. Give praise for what you do like and add a little direction to guide your partner.

Try saying: “That feels so good, can you move a little to the left, yes perfect” or “I love the way your fingernails feel, just a little less scratching. Just like that.”

Give direction through dirty talk.

You can give feedback and instructions via dirty talk, which can help some people to feel more comfortable with verbal communication during the act.

Try saying: “That feels so good. Don’t stop” or “Please do [insert whatever you want].”

Use “I” statements.

“I” statements can help you talk about sex with your partner. This will help your partner not to feel criticized or feel bad that something isn’t working. But you're still communicating what you need to.

Try saying: “I like it when you [insert an action]” or “I’d like to try [insert an action].”

Stop if you are uncomfortable.

If you are uncomfortable, know that it is 100% okay to stop, ask for a break, or leave the situation. Don’t feel like you need to “take one for the team” or continue with something that you don’t want to do.

Want to learn more?

Are communication roadblocks stopping you from upping your sex game or stopping you from talking to your partner about sex? Find out by checking out The Communication Issue and by subscribing to the ezine.

You can also chat with me. As an experienced sex and dating coach, I’ve helped people from all walks of life improve their foreplay techniques, sex lives, and dating strategies. Click here to learn more about sex and dating coaching with me.