How to prepare for butt play (first time anal sex tips)
No matter what sexual orientation, genitalia, or body type you or your partner may have, there is one thing that we all have in common: we all have an anus.
For many people, the anus is a dirty area that should never be touched during sex. Maybe you imagine painful penetration or fecal matter harshing the mood.
But in reality, experimenting with anal play can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for both partners involved.
Today we'll discuss why anal play is not as dirty as one might assume, and how to prepare for anal sex so that it doesn’t hurt, and some of the science behind why butt stuff is good stuff.
Why would anyone want anal stimulation?
The reason why butt play can be so pleasurable, is because anal stimulation is linked to the parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS).
Commonly referred to as the “rest and digest” portion of the human body, this nervous system works alongside its sympathetic “fight or flight” counterpart to provide us with many of the sensations we experience every day, including cranial, spinal, and vagus nerve stimulation.
While it may all start in the brain, the PSNS sensations we feel are stimulated by specialized neurons surrounding our organs. It is the vagus side of these sensations that makes anal stimulation so pleasurable... sometimes even causing a woozy, pleasure-filled, trance-like experience.
In fact, as a professional sex coach, many of my clients are first afraid of trying anal play, and then when they work up the bravery to try, they are usually surprised at how much they love it.
What exactly is “butt stuff?”
So what constitutes anal stimulation? Pretty much anything having to do with erotic contact. This includes analingus/oral, fingering, sex toy usage, and full-on anal sex.
A beginner’s guide to getting into anal play
In order to start enjoying anal eroticism, its a good idea to start slow with some “butt stuff” experimentation.
You’ll want to start off SLOWLY in the shallow end, by associating your anal region with pleasurable experiences. Add your anus to your masturbation routine. Just go slow, start off with your smaller fingers or a slim and bendy anal toy or anal plug, use lots of lube, and do what feels good.
Once you become comfortable with the sensations you feel and the size/shape of the toy or finger being used, you can upgrade to a larger size. Just don’t go off the deep end and grab the biggest butt plug on the shelf!
Lube, lube, lube
As for the lube side of things, it is imperative that you always use it. LOTS of it.
I recommend opting for a water-based solution, as they tend to glide on smoothly and do an excellent job of reducing friction. Also, unlike certain silicone- or oil-based lubes, water-based lubes are extremely easy to clean-up, and are washing machine safe.
Furthermore, H2O-based lubes are also far less prone to causing allergic reactions, and due to their watery nature, can be purchased in an easy-to-apply squirt pump form.
Know that water-based may not be the best fit for you and it’s worth it to try a few different lubes out for anal. Silicone lubes are less likely to get absorbed into the body than water-based lubes, so these might actually be better for prolonged play. Just be sure not to couple silicone lube with latex condoms or silicone toys as this combination could degrade these materials.
Testing out toys
If you plan on playing with toys, start small, opt for a highly reviewed body-safe design, and MAKE SURE THAT IT HAS A BASE. The smooth muscles in the anus can suck things into the body. Nobody enjoys a trip to the ER, especially when it’s to have a sex toy surgically removed from their rectum. So ensure that any toy you buy has some sort of flared base.
Once you become comfortable with a smaller toy, you can slowly graduate to larger dildos, anal beads, prostate massagers, and/or butt plugs.
As for intermediate anal sex toys, look for a dildo, anal bead, or butt plug with a solid plastic or metal core, and a jelly “sheath” around its exterior. This will provide you with both firmness and forgiveness, and makes for an excellent warm-up experience ahead of full-on penetration.
Learning to relax
Safely experimenting with butt stuff requires more than just going slow with a few toys and a sense of adventure.
You need to allow your body to relax, because a clinched rectum is only going to make penetration difficult and potentially painful.
Try to fully relax all of your sphincter muscles, and concentrate on what feels good. Focus on what turns you on, both physically and mentally, and don’t forget to take slow, steady breaths.
A great way to relax the anal sphincter: relax your throat! Your anal sphincter and throat sphincter are connected, so when you relax one, the other automatically relaxes as well.
Stop, collaborate, and listen
When the time comes to tryout some butt stuff with your partner, be sure that you have a few set boundaries in place beforehand.
Clearly communicating what you like, what you would like to try, and what has not worked for you in the past should all be key topics of discussion before you even walk into the bedroom.
And finally, establish a safe word so your partner knows when to stop.
To enema or not to enema?
As for the whole enema end of things, that’s ultimately your call.
While anal stimulation with a toy during “warm-up” rounds may not constitute the use of an enema, all-out anal sex may be a different story.
If you are worried about making a mess, opt for the enema approach beforehand, and keep baby wipes on hand.
Keeping it Clean Between the Sheets
While the human anus is not so filthy as society would have us believe, the rectum does still contain bacteria, even after an enema.
This is why it is so important to change condoms and/or wash yourself, your partner, and your toys before and after anal sex. I highly suggest using a dental dam during analingus, as it helps prevent harmful bacteria, like shigella, from entering the body.
Since you will be using a generous amount of lube, having a plush towel or two on hand is also a good idea. If you are concerned about turning your bed sheets into a mess, place the towels across the area where you plan on playing.
Another option is to have a dedicated set of “sex sheets” that you break-out just for butt stuff. It may seem like overkill, but this is the best way to have uninhibited anal experiences while not ruining your favorite linens.
Enjoying All-Out Anal
The act of anal penetration can be extremely pleasurable when done correctly.
Much like any other form of penetration, getting into the mood, and letting your mind do most of the “dirty work” is the best way to kick things into high gear.
Being that anal sex and other types of erotic butt stuff are still revered as a taboo subject in many cultures, the naughtiness of it all may help break down any mental blockades that still might be in the way.
If for whatever reason that’s still not enough to get your erotic pistons pumping, or you feel like you need a professional opinion, then perhaps some anal advice is in order.
Signing up for the AllBodies Course, "Anal Pleasure 101" is a great place to start. This course offers a far more in-depth look at what was discussed in this article. Learn about different types of anal stimulation, how to safely explore anal play, and new techniques that will have you LOVING everything butt stuff.
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