Better sex. Better life.

The Intercourse: A Blog for Great Sex

I post about dating, feminism, relationships and how to have great sex!

Why I Became A Sex Coach

I am a member of the World Association of Sex Coaches, an organization that supports the professional development of sex coaches worldwide. As an intern for the organization, I help by writing content that brings awareness to the profession, its challenges and opportunities. I recently wrote a piece about how to build community as a sexuality professional because I have learned that we really cannot do this work alone. The field is relatively new and a lot of us are self-employed, so it's often hard to find opportunities to network that will help us expand the reach of our services and highlight the work that we do. One way to do this is to find other professionals who understand and support what we do. In order to do that though, one must look at how they approach sex coaching and what they wish to achieve in the field.

I wanted to write about how reconnecting to what brought me into the field has enabled me to seek out community that supports me.  The meat of the piece I wrote addresses a question that I get asked A LOT and often find myself struggling to answer: "What made you want to become a sex coach?" The answer really isn't so simple so I encourage you all to read the piece in its entirety. Suffice it to say it has been a long ass journey of defining what is important to me and focusing on how that could possibly result in income. I truly want to help people have better sex and that has been a part of me since middle school, believe it or not.

Helping people deal with their sexual issues like fear of intimacy, sexual performance issues or desire mismatch has been a life-long goal of mine. These concerns have been brought to me by friends, family and acquaintances unofficially since I can remember. That is because I have always been open to sexual discussion and made it a focus of study. Historically these concerns have been addressed clinically by Marriage and Family Therapists and Couples Counselors. However, when I learned that most of these professionals receive little to no coursework specifically related sex, that seemed like a poor choice for those looking for long lasting solutions and for me professionally. Through investigating training programs, I found that sex coaching is be deeply impactful for issues related to sexuality because it is action oriented. Unlike more familiar modalities, sex coaching tends to be shorter-term yet comprehensive, looking at all aspects of one's life that may contribute to sexual issues.

As a sex coach, I am part of a community that helps folks with their sex lives from a multitude of angles. There are tantrikas, surrogates, talk only and hands-on/hands-in and so many more. My personal approach to sex coaching is talk-only though I believe in the benefits of other approaches depending on the person's needs. Some of us have a calling to work hands-on/hands-in, like the amazing Betty Dodson. It's just not my way. I think it's important to recognize that the field of sex coaching isn't a thinly veiled attempt to do sex work. This is a common misconception and one that I have seen in men that have inquired about working with me. Again, this is not my way though I do believe that there is a place for sex work in our society. My professional community is rich with people looking at the woes of sexuality and applying their strengths to help make a difference. Because of social expectations of what a job should be, It is not easy for those of us who want to do this work to find a place in the world of sexology, but when we do it's pretty amazing!

When I was conceptualizing a job for myself, I just wanted to work with people and address sex directly. I wanted to discuss the problems that people were facing today so that I could help them get to a better tomorrow. Finding my way to sex coaching was difficult. I really had to look at the "how" and the "why" of working in an area that carries a lot of negative associations. I just knew at the end of my search there was a way to do work that I was proud of, that could really help people and could shed light on an often dark area of all of our lives. That is why I became a sex coach.